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My wife Sheindy has a simple philosophy for increased productivity: “People should first do the necessary and essential chores they do not enjoy and only then go on to do the more pleasurable jobs.”
She maintains that having something to look forward to when one is done infuses the chores with joy. Indeed this is great wisdom for the procrastinator and her advice has now become incorporated into the way I work.
There are, however, times when the opposite should be done. In a marriage relationship, for example, it is important to begin with the enjoyment and then move on to the more mundane later and G-d is the prime example of this. The giving of the covenant to the Children of Israel by G-d is seen by tradition as a kind of marriage document between G-d and the Children of Israel. The way in which G-d treated His bride – the Children of Israel – gives us insight into how human marriages and relationships should operate.
In the Bible G-d commands the Jewish people to build Him a dwelling place or Tabernacle so that He would be able to dwell amongst them (See Exodus, Tezavah). Following on from that, G-d commands the Children of Israel to keep the Sabbath (see Exodus Ki Tiso). Noting the order of these commands, Rabbi Joseph Dov Soloveitchik (1820-1892) in his famous work entitled Bait HaLevi offers an analogy that I have adapted slightly below.
A person wishing to give their beloved a present may do so in two ways. Take the example of a wealthy husband who builds a new kitchen for his wife. Upon showing her how the new kitchen he can either start off by showing her the mundane parts of the kitchen like the wiring and piping or he can begin by showing her the beautiful marble counter tops and the wonderful gadgets that will feature in the new kitchen.
The difference between the two approaches will depend on his motivations for giving the kitchen. If he was building it out of a sense of duty – rather than real love – than he will not care to first show his wife the beauty of the kitchen that will give her pleasure. The reason why it will be beautiful is because he is wealthy and not because he loves her, and therefore, for him, that fact is not so important to show to his wife.
If however he was building the kitchen out of real love he will first show her the new gadgets and beautiful cabinets because he knows the delight that these items will give her and this is what he cares about.
Similarly, explains Rabbi Soloveitchik, the Sabbath is part of Judaism’s elementary bread and butter – Judaism cannot exist without it. The Tabernacle on the other hand is a luxury that adds spirituality and joy to the Jewish community; however, Judaism has survived without this pleasantry for the last two thousand years. Thus, because G-d was giving the commandments out of love He commanded the Children of Israel about the Tabernacle – the luxury item – before he commanded them about the Sabbath that is part of the basics.
The Talmud says “A man should love his wife as himself and honor her more than himself.” (Y’vamot 62b). Maybe this is one aspect of how that extreme love and respect should be played out. When it comes to self-discipline, as Sheindy points out, we must indeed first do the chores and then get to the enjoyable aspects. However, when we are relating to our spouse our love should cause us to begin by giving them the enjoyable part first and only come to the mundane later on.
Rabbi Levi Brackman is Executive Director of Judaism in the Foothills (www.jitf.org ) and President of The
Movement for a Tolerant World (www.tolerantworld.org ). He is also the author of numerous articles on a whole range of topics and issues, many of which can be found on his website (www.levibrackman.com ).
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