Home  Jewish Topics 10 Reasons Why Dating Sucks In L.A.
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10 Reasons Why Dating Sucks In L.A. |
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Written by Anonymous
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The following was submited to PersianRabbi.com in response to Talk Back: Late Marriages . As you can see the comment was too long to post so we decided to create a new article for this piece. Enjoy!
This list is in no particular order b/c all of them are disastrous)...
Top 10 Reasons Why Dating Sucks in LA
10) People are immature. 'Oh...I'm not ready...the M word is a really big deal you know...' As long as people have this NEGATIVE outlook on 'the M word,' then it's going to be scary. Unfortunately, we didn't hear enough of the RIGHT things about marriage growing up. The adults around us didn't tell us enough about the love, warmth, companionship, and happiness that comes with love. Unfortunately, it's mostly the guys who experience this immature fear of marriage...They see marriage as a ball and chain instead of seeing it as a lifelong unconditional love. Sorry to break it to you, but you're going to need to get over it. Thanks.
9) Materialism: Our Persian Jewish society in LA is obsessed with the material things that, at the end of the day, mean nothing. AKA: massive house, even more massive ring, cars, brand name clothing, etc. Sure, it's nice to live a luxurious life, but it won't make you happy! It's true that girls judge guys based on how much they make, what they can buy her, or what they drive. It's true that many girls are ridiculously high maintenance. BUT the sad part is that guys don't APPRECIATE the girls who aren't digging, digging, digging...which leads us to...
8) WE DON'T APPRECIATE A GOOD THING WHEN IT COMES TO US. What? Did you think the guys and girls who are in their 30's or 40's are single b/c they just haven't met the right person?? um.....NO. It's because they DID meet the right person but LET IT GO. They didn't APPRECIATE it. They didn't appreciate the goodness, the kindness, the simplicity. They wanted the challenge, the tug of war...They didn't realize how blessed they were. Instead they had the attitude of 'Eh, if not this one, then the next.' WAKE UP PEOPLE! You're not shopping for a can of tuna!!! We have to learn to appreciate good people when G-d puts them in front of us!
7) Games. And no, I'm not talking about Monopoly. The 'games' I'm refering to here are the games we play in dating: waiting a certain amount of time to call, playing hard to get, pulling with one hand while pushing with the other, being the 'bad boy' and the 'bad girl,' etc. Need I go on? You see, many people who are dating CLAIM they don't want to play the game but when they meet someone who is truly sincere and isn't messing around with them, they again, don't appreciate it. Of course, mystery is good in a relationship and we should all know our self worth and not throw ourselves at others. But being sincere, open and honest are beautiful things. If you're dating just to date and have fun, be my guest and play, play, play. But when dating for marriage, really stop and ask...what does it say about a person when she/he plays games? and what does it say about ME when I (for whatever reason) WANT someone to play games with me so that I can feel like I 'won' the challenge??
6) Non-Jews: plainly put, the guys are messing around with non-Jewish girls (I'm sure I don't need to specify the races) until they're in their mid 30's and recently the girls are starting to give up on the Jewish guys and are getting the attention they want from non-Jewish guys. Sad and pathetic.
5) Parents: The parents in LA need to start encouraging their children at a YOUNGER age to look for the right person! This whole 'what?? you want to MARRY this girl??? You??? with HER??? You're too young/good/good looking/high class/etc. to marry her. Hala, just enjoy life for now till later' attitude needs to end. Enough already. Parents, look around you and see the single 30/40/50 year olds and have mercy. The right outlook on marriage starts in the home.
4) Expectations: We have unrealistic expectations of each other. I don't know where it comes from...maybe it's Hollywood??? The movies??? or it could just be that we look around us to what others are doing/getting and keep setting the bar higher and higher. What we should EXPECT and pray for is to be with someone who will unconditionally love us, support us, and grow with us.
3) Fantasy: EVERY relationship takes work and effort. That's the beauty of it. Who wants to live a stagnant life? It's OK to struggle! It's ok to go through difficult times together! It's OK to even FINANCIALLY struggle together. Why? B/c at the end of the day, at the end of the journey, you'll look over and see this person who stuck with you through it all, holding your hand. Be happy!
2)Age: There is an expectation that guys need to reach a certain age to get married and a stereotype that girls are out HUNTING to marry when they reach a certain age. This is ridiculous. A guy does not need to wait until any particular age or financial status to get married! And a girl who is in her 20's should not be branded as desperate to get married! A girl in a 'marital' age should not be seen as threatening. It's all about MATURITY and being grateful for the good qualities in others...we need to work on ourselves to be mature enough to SEE what's IMPORTANT and really matters clearly. If you're young, GREAT! Get married young! Grow together! learn together! Build together! The older we get, the more difficult we become, the less flexible we are, and the more complicated things becomes.
1) Drum Rolls please...The Blame Game: I think it's time for us all to take a step back to look at ourselves in a mirror (stop checking yourself out, look deeper). We need to stop pointing the finger and look inside OURSELVES to figure out why it is that things are like this. We live in a society that does not accept responsibility for any actions. We have to realize that sometimes the ball is in our court and we must sometimes better ourselves before judging and belittling others. We should not underestimate the power that we have to change our own realities. Let us all work together to bring some normality back into our communities dating scene, it truly sucks and we have no one else to blame than ourselves.
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Comments
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I'd rather die than marry a persian girl. 99% are disgusting gold diggers, who learn it from their mothers. Am i saying there is not 1 good persian girl in LA? Obviously there is, but you'd have a better chance winning the lottery.
I am currently dating a white Jew, and will marry a white jew, or hell, any jew thats not persian. I know I will get bashed for this, but why do u think so many persian men in their 40's and 50's have died of heart attacks? YES, their gold digging persian wives wanted to outdo another persian couple, by getting that bigger house, getting that more expensive car.
Well, screw that as they say. I currently make about $110K a year, making me a poor bum in the persian community, but I'm only 29 and G-D willing I have my health and will make more as I get older.
Posted by Ashamed to be Persian, on Tuesday, 16 October 2007 at 4:10
well said.
Posted by rohan, on Wednesday, 28 March 2007 at 11:18
I really think you hit it on the head with many of the points that you brought up. The only point that I felt was missing and greatly impacts today's impending unions is the commmunity at large. Unfortunately our persian jewish community has become famous for people talking badly about others when they know there is an impending match. Some people go out of their way to bad mouth a boy's family to the girl's family and vice versa. Sometimes this takes place openly while at other times it happens more anonymously. unfortunately when we already have shaky impending matches with rediculus expectations and focus on perfection and materialism, game playing, and parents that discourage their kids, this additional factor is all that it takes to break up an impending marriage. In summary, I really believe its an in interaction of 3 levels including individual materialism and wrong expectations, family / parents (who are fearful of the loss of son / daugher to a 'stranger'), and persian jewish society at large which for whatever reason participates in bad mouthing ritual otherwise known as 'zadan'. I strongly we believe if our society is to change we need to openly address all these levels.
Posted by Negar, on Wednesday, 14 March 2007 at 8:57
Wonderful article!! I spent quite some time around people who really were 'playing the game', and was told repeatedly to be just like them, because then I'd for sure find my Prince Charming. Only thing is, those people were miserable, whether or not they were married, which was in no way an indicator that they were successful in their endeavors -- yet they still stubbornly believed that the way they lived their lives was the way to get a good spouse. How wrong they were!! When I finally got away from such people and their negative influences, I found my wonderful husband, and now we're happily building our Jewish home. I hope that more people will be able to snap out of their fantasy reality and find their own bashert as well, sometime soon.
Posted by Liora, on Wednesday, 14 March 2007 at 10:19
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