Consequently, you decide that the path of God is the one that must not be overlooked and that you must incorporate Torah in your life.

There is just one problem. You get back into your normal, everyday environment, and all of the sudden you are ridiculed and branded as being ‘too religious’. (The term religious is being used in a relative context. For our purposes, it is defined as the degree to which one deviates from the norms of his surroundings in order to achieve the goal of becoming closer to religion.)  With this onslaught of negativity to your newly spiritually connected life you can react with one of two responses. You can begin to question if you really were brainwashed by some fanatic rabbis and allow your experience to become some distant memory in your past, a trial-period that failed. Conversely, you can believe that you made the most intelligent choice possible and that there is no such thing as ‘too religious’. You rationally convince yourself that no matter how much effort you exert in your life to fit the religious mold that you have made for yourself, there can be no possible harm done. After all, you are following God’s path, and how can the Almighty disappoint you?

Experience has shown that there is such a thing as being too religious.

The practice of many laws in Judaism is dependent upon the outcome that it produces, being either constructive or destructive. For example, we all know that Lashon Hara (speaking negatively or derogatory of others) is considered a very grave sin; however, under certain constructive circumstances it is not only permissible, but is even obligatory to speak negatively of someone! ¹ The opposite is also true. Praising someone is considered a great deed, but under certain destructive circumstances this is also forbidden². This same subtle compromise exists when beginning the path to Torah observant Judaism.

So what can cause a newly Torah observant Jew to have a destructive experience?

One common possibility is the ‘too much too fast’ syndrome common among newly inspired Jews. As the analogy goes, don’t bite off more than you can chew! You have to have it one bite at a time. One can cite many examples where an uplifted and energized soul comes back to the community after spending time in extremely holy environments. He quickly decides to meticulously take on a Torah observant life, which resembled his spiritually fulfilling experience. However, one can easily underestimate the effort necessary to be Torah observant in non-observant surroundings.

        They come back full of spiritual energy, wanting to keep all of the commandments with all of its intricacies, while not accounting for the massive amount of effort required to undertake this holy task. With this miscalculation, they are burdened with the massive amounts of laws that he has forced upon himself. One can become so burdened by the many religious precepts that he actually loses his religiosity altogether, often becoming less religious than when he began his journey. Similarly, a beginner weight lifter is considered to be stupid if he thinks he can lift a 400-lb bar bell his first time in a gym.

Just like lifting weights, one must take slow and gradual steps towards the rewarding path of Jewish observance

The next destructive possibility is one that affects how others perceive you, and ultimately how they perceive Judaism as represented through you. As an observant Jew, your family and friends will be closely observing you to determine what to make of your religiosity. One classic mistake occurs when a person feels obligated to share his blissful experience with his environment. However, instead of sharing, it slowly can turn into suggestive comments and heated interactions in which family and friends feel as though your Torah observance is forced upon them. This usually results in a sense of resentment by family members and friends and may develop into a sense of alienation. Instead of obtaining the serenity and richness that wisely applied Torah observance offers, you suddenly find yourself in an uncomfortable and imbalanced position.

To prevent this problem, one must realize that when a person is becoming observant, he has the luxury of choosing which mitzvot to take on. The order and manner in which they choose these mitzvot are critical to how others perceive them. For example, due to one’s desire to become as kosher as possible, he decides the food from his parent’s kitchen is not fit for his consumption, and he suddenly is absent from all family gatherings. When questioned by his parents about his change in lifestyle, his response is nothing close to that required by the Torah in regards to honoring one’s parents. Instead of properly explaining the reasons for his observance and compromising his comfort for the sake of peace, he is suddenly blinded from the great mitzvah of honoring his parents and promoting peace in the home.  This person has just become ‘too religious’ and has justified his surroundings’ urge to cite hypocrisy in observant Judaism.

You have to constantly ask yourself whether you are crossing religious boundaries. When a religious boy’s family was having pork for their Friday night meal, instead of telling him to stay away from the family, one of the rabbis of our community advised him to have his kosher meal with them! This is the gradual, balanced, and loving approach that we should aim for.

In your enthusiastic acceptance of Judaism you should be careful not to make a big deal to family members about being kosher and keeping Shabbat and other mitsvot. Why not glorify and publicize the mitzvot that they can relate to, such as unconditional love for others, honoring of parents, and pursuance of peace?

You not only have to work on mitzvot between you and Hashem, but also on those between you and your fellow man.

One’s surroundings can also be discouraged when they constantly see weird rituals that seem ridiculous and are easily misunderstood by the non-religious. If you are publicly flaunting your Jewish observance, attracting everyone’s attention, it can also be mistaken for being haughty and arrogant. After all, the message that is undoubtedly going to be sent is that you are doing what God wants and they are not. In order not to further alienate your family and friends, it is sometimes necessary to keep your observance to yourself, and away from the scrutinizing eye of others.

Moreover, the worst way in which being too religious can backfire is when a newly observant person believes that the accepted practice of Torah law is not enough. They believe that a stricter approach is what is best for them, in which they restrict themselves beyond what the Torah demands of them. This would be the classic definition of ‘too religious’. Our sages warn of this disastrous flaw, “If one who is exempt from an obligation, yet he performs it, he is considered a fool!” ³ 

If you want to insist on your piety and need to be stricter than what the Torah requires, one should listen to the words of Rabbi Moshe Weinberger. In his article, “Keeping up with the Katz’s – The Chumra Syndrome,” he warns us of our sages’ words: 

 “The rule of ‘one who is exempt’ only applies in the area of mitzvot between man and God. However, as far as mitzvot between one Jew and another are concerned, whoever is more careful and cautious  is blessed. Many baalei mussar [masters of self-improvement] have pointed out the inconsistency of  those who are infinitely more concerned with what enters their mouths (kashrut) than with what  leaves them.” ⁴

From all this we can see that a person can be ‘too religious’ if while pursuing this closeness to Judaism, he actually gets further from it. When trekking the path of Torah, it must be done cautiously by constantly evaluating one’s religious actions and confirming that destructive outcomes are avoided.  Furthermore, like any difficult path, a tour guide and advisor are required.

We must all make an effort to find a properly educated and experienced spiritual leader that can help us avoid becoming misdirected. This leader should be able to:

1. Prevent us from pushing ourselves TOO hard in doing mitzvot,
2. Advise us not to be TOO harsh with our surroundings
3. Warn us not to become TOO religious.

             We oftentimes tend to overlook the fact that Torah is meant to serve as life’s instruction manual and make our lives more pleasant and enjoyable. Let us not forget the wisdom of   Shelomo Ha’Melech when he praises Hashem’s Torah saying ‘its ways are ways of pleasantness, and all it’s pathways are peace.” ⁵ Let us set a true Torah example for our family and friends, and continue to ascend to new heights on that blissful spiritual ladder that is ultimately connects us to our Creator. 

^{1. Sefer Chofets Chayim – Law 10:1}

^{2. Rambam’s Mishneh Torah – Hilchot Deot 7:4}

^{3. Yerushalmi Talmud - Shabbat 1:2, Gittin 6A}

^{4. Jewish Action, Rosh Hashana 1988, Pg.11}

^{5. Proverbs 3:18}