Q: I am becoming a more observant Jew. However, my parents are afraid that it will divide the family. What advice do you have for me?

Rabbi Zargari: I definitely encourage spiritually motivated kids with less observant parents to maintain a strong level of respect for the parents in every way possible, and there are several ways to do this.

For example, I had a case where the parents brought pork into the house, and the son, wishing to be more observant didn’t know what to do. I advised him to take the necessary steps to keep kosher but still be with them and eat with them on Shabbat. Parents want their children to forge their own identities and be happy with their life choices, but as long as they don’t feel alienated or disrespected.

When there is mutual respect, the rest follows. When kids share some new insights into family kept traditions and practices with their parents, or make sure to spend time with them on Shabbat and Chagim, parents feel comforted and assured that they are actually becoming closer to their children as a result of their new found interest! That’s the goal. However, one must be aware to never impose his/her observance on his/her parents. There’s no obligation to make your parents see and do things your way.       

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